Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.

Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you. It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from? Why do I still do this, even after all this time? It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again. Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING! It’s like I don’t want to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second. But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy. Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore. It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back. All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.

Ranata Suzuki